Transition into Adulthood

I grew up in a household where my family constantly yelled, screamed, and cursed at one another. My home wasn’t the ideal environment for a child; my parents were constantly fighting over money. I lived in constant fear of moving the wrong way, or saying the wrong things because I wanted to avoid aggravating my parents. My afternoons consisted of sitting in my room for hours listening to my parents curse in Russian at each other.I would often find myself sitting on a stairwell next to our house crying when the fights would get to extreme. During the fights I couldn’t concentrate on my school work, my friends, or other activities. I was emotionally traumatized, and did not have anyone to talk to. My parents would often say to me "you shouldn’t bring the skeletons out of the closet," I listened. My grandparents knew what was going on, yet they didn’t want to interfere. My grandparents refused to act because they thought interfering would trigger a divorce.  Some nights I would lay in my bed imagining that I was a member of the Brady Bunch family. I desperately wanted everything to go away, I craved a happy family. It was embarrassing to go outside because people would point fingers and say,“that’s the kid from apartment three o three". The environment that I grew up in left a long lasting unsavory imprint in my adulthood.  When I was eighteen, I was afraid of confrontation. I couldn’t speak my mind, the sound cursing made my stomach curdle. I put myself into isolationto avoid interactingwith society because I believed the world worked like that. The isolation continued until I was twenty one. At age twenty one, I moved out of my parents’ house.My departure granted me the freedom to explore life without having to constantly listen to the sound of my parent’s arguments due. My newly discovered freedom, I became more social and started dating. I was so antisocial that I didn’t know how to have a good relationship with the opposite sex. I believed yelling and screaming was normal, and that every relationship was based on that flawed principle. My parents would often tell me when I was growing up,“if people do not yell and scream at each other it meant that they are indifferent towards each other".  I bought into the mentality that my parents instilled in me. Unfortunately I found myself fighting with all my boyfriends, and even my own friends. People had a hard time understanding where such hatred and frustration came from. The fighting became so extreme between my boyfriends and friends that I lost most of them. After having lost all my friends, I slipped into a deep depression. I seriously began to evaluate the moments that had led up to that moment in my life. I seriously reflected on my past, and realized that what my parents put me through as a child had a huge impact on my adulthood. It took me several years to realize why every single person in my life had left me. I understood that it wasn’t normal to fight, yell, and scold  people.. A child needs a calm, nurturing environment to grow up in. To all the parents out there that are constantly fighting in front of kids, make sure to tell your children that it isn't how the world is; it isn't how a relationship between parents should be. Please teach your kids that shouting and cursing isn’t the proper way to resolve conflicts. Children that bear witness to constant fighting can make them grow up emotionally traumatized. When someone grows up emotionally traumatized it’s very difficult  for them to adapt in  society. 

Bullies

Growing up I was bullied, I was bullied because I was not skinny enough, have the perfect skin, teeth and so on. Kids laughed at me, spit in my face in front of others, told me I smelled, did not want to sit next to me on a school bus. I did not have many friends growing up. Those friends that I had talked behind my back, spread rumors, or used me. Boys would not give me a time of day. Many nights I cried myself to sleep. By age 14 I felt as I was alone, with no one to talk to or confine in. I did not know how to express myself to my parents, I did not know if they would understand me or not or how they could help. Year went by of me crying, feeling alone, depressed. At age 15 I decided to take matters into my own hands, I was tired of being bullied and decided to change my appearance. I thought changing my appearance would help me become more socially accepted; I began to lose weight, started using various of products to get rid of my skin problem. I truly believed in my heart if my physical appearance would change people would perceive me differently  and I would be more socially accepted however, getting rid of what  I thought is keeping me away from the society did not help the feeling of being alone go away. By age of 18 I wanted to be accepted so much that I got in with a wrong crowd which led to very bad consequences. After those consequences I realized that it is not what you look like, but it is what you can accomplish in life, what kind of imprint you can leave in this world, what benefit you can bring to the society. To all the girls and boys that are going through what I went through do not change yourself, do not think that if you will change your appearance or act a certain way people will start being nicer to you, or more approving.  You do not need anyone's approval but your own. In your life you will find bullies all around be it in the work place, school, or even your own family. People who bully have issues of their own, and they bully to make themselves feel better. No one is worth your tears, we are all unique. Don't let others tell you otherwise. To all the teenagers that are going through this stage keep your head high, it doesn't matter what your classmates think of you, it doesn't matter what your friends think of you. WHAT MATTERS IS, IS WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AND BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE FOR YOURSELF. Get up every morning look in the mirror and say to yourself, this is who I am if those people can't accept me for who I am than they are not worth being in my life.